Connecting the Dots: ’Twas the Night before Christmas … for the 11th time

John Bos

John Bos FILE PHOTO

By JOHN BOS

Published: 12-23-2023 8:00 AM

For the past 10 years I have “reinterpreted” the classic “A Visit from St. Nicholas” (aka T’was the Night Before Christmas”), a poem that first appeared in the Troy (NY) Sentinel on Dec. 23, 1823 exactly 200 years ago to the day. There was no author’s name attached to the poem. It remained unattributed for 13 years until the professor/poet Clement Clark Moore stepped forward to claim the work. The story goes that Moore had written the poem for his children. A housekeeper found it one day and liked it so much that she sent it to the Troy Sentinel, without Moore’s knowledge.

In any case, my annual “version” always manages to elicit (provoke?) vibrant responses from both sides of the Red/Blue spectrum. It has been my intention for the past decade to try to inject a little satirical humor into the increasingly dark times we find ourselves living it. But this year it was more difficult to write while living under the polluting cloud of fascism emitted by today’s conservative consensus.

For example, it was a much grimmer task this year trying to satirize George Santo’s flaws while Ron DeSantis claws his way around Trump singing “Oh, Come All Ye Hateful” to an old 45 stuck on repeat.

A confusing conundrum for me is how anyone, regardless of political beliefs, can give Trump a pass on his proven efforts to alter the 2020 election results in a recorded telephone conversation with Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, a Republican who stood firm on the right side of right.

So, here goes…

T’was two nights before Christmas in the dysfunctional House,

Not a Republican was voting, not even to douse

The Freedom Caucus goal to kill Medicare

With a government shutdown intending to share

With the ultra-right screamers, tearing process to shreds,

Visions of autocracy alive in their heads

While working diligently to democracy unwrap

With lies to the public of conspiracy crap.

When on the Capital steps there arose such a clatter,

I turned on Fox News to see what was the matter.

Even with Tucker gone I felt my teeth gnash

As they filled the airwaves with impeachment trash.

The new House speaker, with politics below low,

His faux religion he’s trying to bestow

Over legislation that’s long been here

With his moralistic mind, and Biden to schmear.

Mike sucked up to the liar, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment he was politically slick.

More rapidly cursing, the MAGAS they came,

And when the Don shouted, he called them by name;

“Now, GAETZ! now GRAHAM!, DESANTIS! and JORDAN!

“Now, BOEBERT!, now GREENE!, now HALEY! and JOHNSON!

Grab your MAGA torch, don’t stop or stall!

Now trash away! trash away! trash away all!”

As 45’s gross insults rose up to the sky,

I found myself anticipating his coming “bye-bye.”

Then off to the media, his sycophants they flew,

With brand new conspiracies ready to spew.

With my spirits fast sinking, I heard brand new proof

That the BS blather by each MAGA goof,

Would never turn Jack Smith’s charge around,

No immunity for them the Supreme Court found!

He was dressed all in orange, from his head to his foot,

And was sentenced to prison where he would stay put,

With no one to bring him his cheeseburger snack,

Gone were his sycophants and lawyerly claque.

His eyes — how wrinkled! His forehead, how scary!

For the first time in his life, he was feeling quite wary.

His burdens, his lies and not enough dough

To pay off his lawyers like a short time ago.

The stub of a pencil he held tight in his teeth,

Trump Tower was gone, nothing left to bequeath.

With no way for him to get back on the telly,

The “Apprentice” was gone, but he still had his belly.

He was chubby and plump, and sorry for himself,

I sighed and was sad for him, in spite of myself.

Then I heard someone speak and a twist of my head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to the Hill,

Where they passed his new Infrastructure bill.

And his American Rescue Plan that so clearly shows

How Biden’s experience bestows what he knows.

He sprang to the podium, read a Christmas epistle,

His good news causing MAGA maniacs to bristle.

They heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND LET’S HAVE A GOOD FIGHT!

“Connecting the Dots” is published every other Saturday in the Recorder. John Bos is also a contributing columnist for Green Energy Times and an occasional op-ed contributor in various western Massachusetts newspapers. He fully supports Representative Jim McGovern who noted that “The clowns are running the circus here” with respect to the U.S. House of Representatives. Comments and questions are welcome at john01370@gmail.com.