“What upon Earth is the matter with the American people? Do they really covet the world’s ridicule as well as their own social and political ruin?” — Frederick Douglass

I am still so tired.

I am tired of having so many upsetting
and horrible things happen every day that I am unable to decide which one requires my immediate attention for this column.

I am tired of the malicious and calculated daily attacks on all marginalized people in this country.

I am tired of the inaction of those elected to power in the United States, and their infuriating reluctance to counteract the insidious and malevolent hatred bubbling just under the surface like magma.

I am tired of having to accept the fact that although the Civil War started almost exactly 162 years ago, our country has been fighting it ever since.

I am tired of having to know that this is because many people in this country hate me simply because I was born Black.

I am tired of hypocritical white terrorists holding this country hostage to their antiquated and self-serving anti-anyone-not-cis/white ideologies and policies designed to enshrine their shrinking relevance into an autocratic theocracy.

I am tired of reading things like “At least 417 anti-LGBTQ bills have been introduced in state legislatures across the United States since the start of the year,” and I am tired of knowing that Black LGBTQ+ people in America will be the victims harmed the most in the aftermath of those bills passing.

I am tired of knowing that no matter what terrible situation is happening in America, being Black in that situation will make your suffering exponentially worse.

I’m tired of being afraid for my children’s lives, let alone their ability to find happiness in this third and insidious Jim Crow era.

I’m tired of watching civil rights progress being unraveled with unbridled malignant glee.

I am tired of feeling like we are all in quicksand, and the more we struggle to free ourselves, the more it sucks us down.

I am tired of this country’s shrugging acceptance of gun violence, and the hypocrisy by legislators to deflect responsibility for this sustained massacre onto mental health services while simultaneously refusing to fund those services.

I am tired of the incalculable imbalance of safety, wealth, power and justice in this country, and I am tired of the indifferent acceptance of that imbalance by those who could shift it but choose not to.

I am tired of knowing that a 12-year-old Black boy playing with a toy gun was murdered by a police officer for “being a threat,” but a 75-year-old white man playing with a coup of the U.S. government just gets another chance to prevail.

I am so very tired of seeing so many people cheer for that potential coup.

I am tired of good people trying their best to survive, let alone thrive, and struggling, and I am tired of bad people trying their best to do their absolute worst and succeeding.

I am tired of Black women carrying the devastating and debilitating burden of all of these truths, and I am tired of knowing, “If not us, then who?”

Tolley M. Jones lives in Easthampton.]]>