Friends, Romans, birders, lend me your ears. I am delighted to say that I am back from a horrible experience with kidney stones. It started off, rather innocently, as a slight pain in my back that I couldn’t quite account for, but as time progressed I eventually found myself curled up in the fetal position in a steady state of pain for days. Everything just stopped and the missing week of activity will be represented in my photo collection like the narrowest of tree rings would indicate a period of stress on an otherwise healthy tree.

The day before it all started had been one of those beautiful miserable days that we get in winter sometimes. What could just as easily have been snow turned out to be a wintry mix instead and the world outside my kitchen window was covered with ice. Those of you who might live at higher elevations will be familiar with this sort of thing. It’s raining down in the valley, but a little higher up and everything changes. On that particular day, a degree or two made the difference between rain and freezing rain.

So I was sitting at my kitchen window, wondering how I managed to pull a muscle in my back, and watching the morning crowd outside. All of the regulars were present and on this particular morning there was also the added spice of a pair of red squirrels to liven up the mood.

There is one particular red squirrel that I can identify by its behavior and I have to admit that this little creature is a hoot. This squirrel will dash onto the scene like a little lightning bolt bottled up inside a cute little animal. The little bugger will strike a pose, grab a seed and then dash off at top speed only to return again in 30 seconds and repeat. This little guy loves an entrance!

As the morning progressed I actually managed to witness a “discovery” made by this particular squirrel. Highly inquisitive and always motivated by food, red squirrels are able to combine intelligence and acrobatic skills in the ever-present endeavor of finding something to eat. I watched this little creature climb a feeder pole and reach out to the cylindrical wire feeder that I fill with peanuts for the woodpeckers. This particular feeder has frustrated the squirrels for years, but while the others had given up, this relative newcomer had not been sufficiently frustrated to surrender yet.

I laughed as the design of the feeder frustrated the squirrel, but then I witnessed something remarkable and terrifying all at once. Somehow, this particular squirrel cracked the code. I think that this was possible because raccoons had previously damaged the particular feeder in question. Wire had been bent out of shape and then I had done my best to fix it. This had happened several times, which meant that the overall shape of the feeder had been somewhat compromised and because of this the feeder was vulnerable to a particular maneuver.

The photo I share with you today shows the squirrel figuring out that particular move. You will notice that the squirrel’s left paw has gotten underneath the cover after the squirrel used its nose to push the cover into a tilted position. The next photos in this particular series show the squirrel with its head inside the feeder. Well, one thing led to another and when I came home from work yesterday that entire feeder was completely empty.

The only part of this story that is encouraging in any way is the simple fact that I have a duplicate copy of the same peanut feeder hanging on the other side of the feeder pole. This one, also damaged by raccoons, but in a randomly different way that resulted in a different geometry, remains impervious to squirrel attacks. One feeder is empty while its twin, two feet away, remains full. So all I have to do is bend some wire and the problem should be solved. Right?

Well, if you know anything about squirrels, then you are probably chuckling to yourself and thinking, “Sure, that’ll totally work. Hah!” Did I mention the fact that (in addition to being intelligent and acrobatic) squirrels are absolutely tenacious? No? Well that was clearly an oversight on my part.

Squirrels have a maddening ability to figure things out and they have been causing ruptures in the sanity of people who want to feed birds for as long as there have been birdfeeders. Books have been written on this topic and painful stories have been shared. For some, squirrels are the white whales that fracture the mind into shards of excruciating insanity. Sorry, I’m having a kidney stone flashback.

I have actually taken measures to see if I can fight back against the squirrels. Now that I am back to “normal” (ask my wife if that is even possible) I am prepared to document this personal battle against the feeder raiders, but that will have to wait until next week. Until then I hope that you managed to survive that cold snap without incident. Be well, drink lots of fluids, and I’ll talk to you again next week.

Bill Danielson has been a professional writer and nature photographer for 25 years. He has worked for the National Park Service, the US Forest Service, the Nature Conservancy and the Massachusetts State Parks and he currently teaches high school biology and physics. For more in formation visit his website at www.speakingofnature.com, or head over to Speaking of Nature on Facebook.

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