An adage I’ve heard since childhood reads, “Don’t discuss religion or politics in polite company.” We all know we threw that baby out with the bathwater a dog’s age ago. The abyss of social and mainstream media makes it clear that this will happen when pigs fly.

But now, there is something stuck in my craw. I’m sick and tired of folks from both sides of the aisle slinging mud, constantly calling those with whom they disagree names.

Name-calling and lack of compassion has zero effectiveness when attempting to change someone’s mind. It really is not us, the voters, who should be drawing battle lines between each other. We all have more in common than we think.

For full disclosure, I lean left. Most of my friends lean left. But I also know people who lean right and are good people. Just because someone supports a particular candidate, it doesn’t mean we put them into a box; that they are all cut from the same cloth.

The more I see people accusing others of being “this” or “that,” as if they themselves are the ones running for office, the further away I see these “others” driven from a different perspective. I witness folks accusing others of doing exactly what they are doing.

I know that of which I “speak,” because I am a solid Bernie supporter. I was called all kinds of names, by “both sides.” Oddly enough, most attacks came from folks on the left, those with whom I shared the most values. Apparently, when one votes for the platform in which they believe, one has betrayed any liberal or conservative perspective.

I’m not addressing any specific candidate. I’ve come to point out that we are throwing our power away, as voters, as citizens, as human beings, by falling into these distasteful patterns of attacking anyone who sees things differently from us. Both sides are angry enough to chew nails. We’d rather be right than learn. No good can come from this type of angry approach. An approach that is now as American as apple pie: throwing fuel on the fire.

Just imagine ... what if we all turned a new leaf and used a different approach? What if we had actual conversations with each other?

There would be ground rules. No mention of any specific politician’s name. No mention of any political party. No specific branch of the government. No mention of any government declaration. Ask each other real questions: What is lacking in your life? What are you afraid of? What concerns do you have for your fellow citizens? What would you like to see happen?

And of course, once asked, the answer must be listened to without interruption, or thinking about what response you will have. Really listening to each other with all ears. And all participants get to express their thoughts, their fears and their hopes without being judged. Listen with only the intention of catching each other’s drift. Listen to each other out of the kindness of our hearts.

Our fellow citizens are not our enemies. Those who keep us in a constant state of panic are the creators of these conditions. Analyze and criticize the candidates to your heart’s desire. Dissect their policies, actions and histories, but not each other. Yes, we have different fears and desires, but again, I suspect we have more in common than not. Understanding each other would be tremendously helpful at this juncture.

Mostly, I’d like to see a return to kindness. I know that no one is going to change their mind if they are being attacked with fifth grade playground antics. When people feel truly heard, they are more open to learning and sometimes even change their perspective. After all, we are only two sides of the same coin.

If you’ve read this far despite my overuse of multiple idioms, I thank you. You may be sick and tired of lazy adages. Your frustration is reflected in how I feel hearing the same derogatory labels thrown around repeatedly by folks on all sides. If we keep attacking each other, we will get nowhere fast.

Let’s return to a polite society. This may be too little too late, but I felt compelled to say my piece.

Catherine King lives in Greenfield, and works as a site director and instructor for The Literacy Project.