Jaywalking: Giants man enjoying Patriots’ loss

Monday, February 05, 2018

(Note: Recorder sportswriter Jeff Lajoie stepped in and guest-wrote today’s Jaywalking. This column is his best interpretation of what noted N.Y. Giants fan Jason Butynski would be writing following the Patriots’ Super Bowl defeat.)

Friends, “Greenfielders,” countrymen, lend me your tears.

Like the famed New York Football Giants of 2008 and 2012, the Philadelphia Eagles have shown their superiority over the paper tiger New England Patriots, sending the Pats packing back to Gillette Stadium as losers once again. That’s the same Gillette Stadium most notably remembered for a sweet movie theater, according to former Pat and now back-to-back Super Bowl champion LeGarrette Blount.

As a long-time Giants fan, dating back to my youthful days tearing up the athletic fields of Greenfield High School, where I probably should’ve played football but instead opted for the European cult known as soccer, Sunday’s result pleased me. But in a way, I, (fake) Jason Butynski, was saddened deep down in my blue and white loins. Us G-Men fans, despite our ugly and often foul-odored sensibilities, have long taken solace in the fact that we were the true Patriot stoppers in the Big Game. In fact, that’s our main claim to fame. Really, I can’t stress enough how we as an organization (using ‘we’ is the best) spend the majority of our nights chirping about those two Super Bowl wins. Sharing may be caring, but I can’t say that I’m all too thrilled with letting the city of Philadelphia and their cheese-steak filth into our brotherhood of obnoxiousness. But I digress.

Watching Tommy Terrific and the Patriots lose Sunday night reminded me that for all the success that organization has enjoyed, they’ve basically lost every Super Bowl. Bear with me here, because I’m about to make a point that I’ll be repeating mercilessly until the Giants themselves return to the Super Bowl in 2042.

If Pete Carroll wasn’t a dope, and the Atlanta Falcons didn’t yak all over their collective Georgia peaches in the fourth quarter, then Billy Belichick would have lost five Super Bowls in a row. That’s right, five in a row. And forget about the games they actually lost and how, you know, they could’ve just as easily won those, because that goes against everything my point is trying to convey. Come to think of it, don’t let logic cloud any of the points I’m trying to make and we’ll all get through this together.

Hmm? OK, what other things can I declare in this space. Oh, I know, let’s talk about Thomas Edward Brady. The great QB who fumbled the ball when the game was on the line because he felt a wittle, wittle pass rush coming his way. Baby most definitely wanted his binky when Philly’s Brandon Graham came bearing down and strip-sacked the pigskin from Tom-Tom’s boo-boo-ridden right hand.

Listen, I trust only one Tommy Boy in my life and he sold half a million brake pads. When it comes to the Brady man, he’s done, finished, kaput. Sure, he threw for over 500 yards, breaking the Super Bowl record. And sure, he single-handedly kept the Patriots in the game when the defense couldn’t get one lousy stop. And OK, I guess, he’s still as handsome as ever with a boy-ish charm that has you wanting him to date your daughter (Hi, Char-Char).

Wait, what point was I trying to make again?

Oh yeah ... TB12 is done. How many 40-year-olds have what it takes to lead an organization? I’m pushing 40 myself, and you should see the ways I’m falling apart on a daily basis.

Tom is probably going to be without the services of his right-hand man Rob Gronkowski. The tight end was non-committal about his future in New England, and for good reason. My take? Gronk is heading west, where he’ll team up with Jimmy Garoppolo, the present and future quarterback of the world. If Gronk is smart, he’ll join an up-and-comer like Jimmy G, instead of sticking around for a star on his last twinkle (shout out to my brother Todd for that one).

Look, I know what you’re thinking. Ol’ Jaywalking Jay here is dancing on a Patriots loss and deflecting from his own team’s problems. It’s adorable that you would assume that, but nothing could be further from the truth. If you’re buying N.Y. Giants stock, buy, buy, buy. The G-Men are on their way up, up, up.

We’ve got a brand-new coach ready to lead us back to the Super Bowl. Yes, his only head coaching experience came with the Cleveland Browns, America’s beloved underdog. Sure, he went 9-23 in just two seasons before getting unceremoniously fired. And yes, only two years ago he was a tight ends coach. But come on, 4½ wins a season is basically winning the Super Bowl in Cleveland. You try winning anything in Cleveland, much less a football game.

And we’ve got the No. 2 pick in the upcoming draft! What a position to be in. We’ve got a Patriot-killer in one Elisha Nelson Manning IV back at quarterback, probably to be joined by a QB prospect from Wyoming who will certainly thrive after playing in the vaunted Mountain West Conference. Odell Beckham Jr. is a beast. The guy plays through pain, refuses to miss games, and never says a peep. The personnel is as close to a championship team as you’re going to find (in New York). Did you see Eli and Odell team up for that commercial during the Super Bowl? Can someone say, championship?

That’s what I’m thinking about going forward. While this Patriots loss pleases me, and will for the next few days, I’m looking ahead to better days for all. So take your loss, the end of a dynasty and enjoy next year’s dismal season.

And don’t even bother looking at the odds to win next year’s Big Game. No, seriously, don’t look. At 5-1, the Patriots may be the favorites to win it all in 2019, but, uh, what does Las Vegas know? Want some real value? Take the G-Men at 75-1 and thank me one year from now.

This is (not quite) Jaywalking Jay, signing off. Later, losers.

Jason Butynski is a Greenfield native and Recorder sportswriter. When he’s out sick, colleague Jeff Lajoie writes sarcastically in his stead. Butynski’s email address is jbutynski@recorder.com. Like him on Facebook and leave your feedback at www.facebook.com/jaybutynski.