My Turn: A political fantasy: Republican rule future cast

  • Former President Donald Trump speaks during a rally in Perry, Ga., on Sept. 25. AP

Published: 1/14/2022 6:42:37 AM
Modified: 1/14/2022 6:41:45 AM

These are items from the news sometime in the not-too-distant potential future.

As his first act after inauguration on Jan. 20, 2025, President Trump issued a blanket pardon for “all of the heroic American patriots of Jan. 6, 2021 who did their best to peacefully save our democracy after the stolen election of 2020 and were then prosecuted by the communist Democrat Party.”

Incumbent Republican Congressman Francis Largess of North Dakota met with Betram Clydesdale who had announced his intention to challenge Mr. Largess in the primary election. Both Mr. Largess and Mr. Clydesdale were both openly carrying firearms as permitted by state law. Mr. Largess demanded that Mr. Clydesdale not run against him. When Mr. Clydesdale declined to drop out of the race Mr. Largess brandished his gun and suggested that he might want to reconsider his intention. Although Mr. Largess said he was simply emphasizing what a strong supporter of the gun rights he is, Mr. Clydesdale then reached for his own gun to show that he was not intimidated. Both men sustained nonlife-threatening wounds and claimed they used their weapons in self-defense. Neither is to be charged with a crime.

Idaho Gov. Preston Plucey today signed a new state law permitting students above the age of 7 to carry concealed handguns in school provided they have parental permission. “The age of bullying is over!”, he proclaimed as a rally at The Second Amendment Charter School in the town of Moyle Springs. “Every child has the right to stand his ground. Now our schools can be safe again.”

Sen. Tom Cotton (R-AR), filing a bill legalizing dueling with pistols, said that “Dueling with firearms is protected by the Second Amendment and is in the finest traditions of our great country as a time-honored way to resolve honorable differences of opinion.”

Seventeen states have restricted voting to business hours on Election Day. Voter identification cards are required for anyone who has not voted in the previous election at the same location. These can be acquired provided a fine is paid for having failed to vote. There is no paid leave from employment for voting.

“We have equality under the law in this country,” said Attorney General Rudolph Giuliani. “You may be a business owner or a lowly employee but you will have equal right to forego income by voting during working hours.”

The Rev. Franklin Graham, first Secretary of the newly created cabinet level Department of American Heritage, has added the book “The Grapes of Wrath” by author John Steinbeck to the list of those to be removed from public schools that receive federal funding, which means all of them. Rev. Secretary Graham said, “This book depicts some Americans as being taken advantage of by other Americans and we all know that is un-American.” This brings the total of banned books to 1,776 which Rev. Graham said is a most fitting number.

Rev. Secretary Graham issued an instruction that if the theory of evolution is taught in schools any pupil may opt out of those classes because, “This Godless teaching is merely a religious belief of Evolutionists and just a theory.”

Secretary of Education Eloise Paltry said that compulsory education must be abolished and replaced by “parental choice” as to how much schooling is best for one’s children. She termed requiring formal education as being “socialist” and pointed out that this was the law in the former Soviet Union and is today in Cuba. In this country demanding that children be sent to school is an affront to freedom, in particular their freedom to work on our great nation’s farms and in our factories.

Along party lines Congress passed a national tax on photovoltaics and the requirement that any energy channeled into the national grid be taxed at an amount per KWH equal to the cost to the power company.

Vaccines for the new pandemic, COVID-26, are being provided first to those in positions of authority according to new CDC directives. “Our leaders mut be protected, first and foremost,” said Surgeon General Dr. Mehmet Oz. Religious exemptions are available to anyone who can document attendance in an officially recognized church or synagogue in the past 10 years.

Columbus Day is now officially Euro-American Triumph Week where “Manifest Destiny” is celebrated. Other heroes celebrated on this day include Davey Crocket and Gen. George Armstrong Custer

President Trump shunned the Kennedy Center Honors concerts during his first term in office with concerns that he would be booed and the honorees would decline to appear. But now that the Kennedy Center Board consists entirely of donors loyal to him personally so the tradition of presidents attending the concerts is being restored. This year’s honorees include movie actor Kelsey Grammer, comedienne Roseanne Barr, and rock musician Ted Nugent. Tickets will be issued to donors to the Republican Party to rebalance the liberal bias among prior year audiences.

The head of President Donald J. Trump nears completion on Mount Rushmore and plans for the Trump Memorial to be built on the Mall in the nation’s capitol have been completed. The winning design is a tower 100 feet taller than the Washington Monument with the former president’s name in 18-foot tall gold letters on top.

And finally, Vice President Donald Trump Jr. announced his intention to run for president when his father completes his term. He has not formed a campaign committee but has formed an inauguration committee. As vice president he will preside over the certification of the election on Jan. 6, 2029 noting that the Constitution designates this job to the vice president even if he is a candidate. When he is president, his brother, Eric Trump, who will be his running mate for vice president, will preside over the certification of the next reelection should he run. “Good genes, good brains,” he quipped, quoting his father.

Jonathan Klate lives in Amherst.


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