Letter: Dear Michelle ...
Please, you must stop this crazy infatuation that you have for me. All those letters and now emails! I fear that Barack may become suspicious. And you address me by name no less. The mailman is giving me the stink-eye, he’s a government employee you know, and I hear that the government can read all of our emails.
Your coded messages, pretending that you are soliciting contributions for your hubby are clever, but you know that the NSA and CIA have code breakers who could easily see through your amateurish attempts at deception. So Michelle you must stop this madness!
As you know, Congress gave your husband and future presidents unprecedented powers. He could claim to have secret information that allows him to incarcerate me with none of the due process we have for years taken for granted. No charge, no phone call, no lawyer, no court or trial; just being held as long as the president wishes.
Some say that this misnamed PATRIOT Act allows the president to be judge, jury and executioner! And so every time I go to my mailbox and see another letter from you, I check the sky to make sure no drone is overhead, ready to fire a missile into my humble abode, as if I were a Middle Easterner. I’m a Northeasterner for God’s sake! And your emails I delete before reading.
I don’t know how jealous Barack could become, but for both our sakes you must discontinue this insane attraction that you have for me. Always yours, You Know Who.
P.S. Dear reader, I guess my open letter got through to the First Lady for her letters and emails stopped sometime near the end of the first week of November! Thank goodness.